Project Description

Read the transcript

Are you putting yourself last, Mommy? Having no clue how to find the right balance between your kids’ needs and your own?

Today’s episode is all about the three essential things that we moms need to know in order to live it all. Having a loving and deep relationship with our little ones that stays even through our puberty. While also being a successful working woman able to follow your heart’s desire and to do what you are passionate about at work.

And before we dive into our topic, let me point out that your way to live it all as a mother and woman looks different from every other mom’s each of us has to find our own way.

And what helps us grow further beyond our self limitations is exchanging in an honest and respectful way with women who are different from us, honoring each other’s different experiences and values and learning from each other’s way of being.

For each episode, I purposely choose guest speakers who are totally different from each other in their purpose at work, in their parenting and their success in motherhood.

In order to achieve our common goal, to live it all, to thrive into our full potential, at home and at work, we need to encounter different values and goals and learn from the fear and coping strategies of others. In this way, we can find out more about who we are and about the common struggles we all face.

Even if we meet moms whose values and parenting approaches are totally different from ours and we don’t agree with how they do things, it is through this diversity that we discover more clearly what’s important for us, what we want to prioritize or what we don’t want to do in terms of our kids’ healthy development of family and work life.

Our differences as women and moms allow us to see what we are missing in our lives. What we are secretly longing for holding back or maybe what we want to get rid of. For example, I always get very annoyed when I see my neighbor, the mom of two little ones, who is always energetic, smiling politely, never looks tired, is always perfectly dressed, while I rarely have the time to look in the mirror or brush my hair in the morning, and do I want to be like her? No, I don’t.

But she gives me the gift of making me aware of what I’m missing, that I need to spend a few more calm moments in the morning for myself getting ready for the day, and I’m actually not really good at taking some quiet moments for myself. So learn from the amazing wisdom of our guest speakers. Take what empowers you and on your path. And distinguish what doesn’t fit into your life.

And that brings me right into today’s topic where it’s all about our self-awareness, about understanding our needs, our boundaries, limits, and so on. And I always want to be honest with you, at least I will try. When I became a mother, I was not aware of my own needs at all. I thought it was all about caring for my little one.

And when I started to work again, I worked from home and was constantly pulled between caretaking and getting things done for my work. And most of the time I felt stressed because I couldn’t get as much work done as I needed to. And of course, as we all know, if we are stressed, frustrated, maybe under time pressure, we are not capable of giving our child or children our best. Of course not. So I realized in order to live it all, having an empathetic relationship with my daughter and working successfully from home demands three essential things.

The first thing you need to be a live it all, mommy is to be self-aware. And what I mean by that is that as a mom, I always have to check in with myself first and find out how do I feel? What do I need? What are my boundaries? What are my triggers right now? And how do I get back to myself, to my calm and secure center?

Moms often tell me, but it’s luxury. But it’s a luxury to have the time to reflect on such questions. And my response is clear. No, it’s not. It’s not about the amount of time you need, it’s about your decision to care about yourself, to check in with yourself, to get used to reconnecting instead of forgetting about yourself, to be self-aware, to perceive what’s going on inside you.

Does not take much time. Of course, we have to practice and get to know ourselves better. So we can understand the reactions of our body, mind, and soul.

But once we start to get to know ourselves. It becomes easier to find out what causes our headaches, what it is exactly that takes the most energy. Once we figure this out, then we can start to prevent or change the habits or circumstances that don’t serve us. Your self-awareness helps you make the decisions that are right for you that support your wellbeing in the long term. If you are not self-aware, you keep doing what’s not serving you, and that only causes your system to call up sooner rather than later, but it definitely doesn’t allow you to live it all.

Your self-awareness is key. It’s key for your wellbeing and health, but additionally, it’s also key for your relationship, your bond with your little one. Why?

Because if you are, for example, frustrated because you stayed home with your child, rather than going to a very important business meeting at work, one that’s crucial for your success, you will most likely at some point put your frustration onto your child. And yes, very often it’s us moms that have to stay at home with a sick child, but at least we can check in with ourselves.

As soon as we realize what’s going on inside, we can take action and make sure that we don’t hurt our child’s feelings, and we can also be aware of what we need to change in ourselves in order to stay calm and feel satisfied. Even if we choose to prioritize the needs of our child for the next few years.

Because for whatever reason, there is no other person who can take care of our child, or we think it is too soon to send him or her into a childcare program. Still being aware of it and knowing what’s most important for you and your child at this time helps you to find that in a peace which allows you to foster the bond, the relationship with your child that you desire.

Self-awareness for me is on the one hand, a fundamental form of self-care, and on the other hand, the best way to be clear and determine the right decision for your child.

The second thing you have to know in order to be a Live It All Mommy is transform your self-limiting beliefs. How often do you have thoughts such as, I can’t change anything. I don’t have the time, the money, or other resources to change my current situation? Wellbeing relationships, I have to keep going.

It’s fundamental to transform those self-limiting. Because the beliefs about yourself and others determine not only your emotions, but also your habits. The decisions you make, your whole life is determined by what you believe about yourself, the story you tell yourself.

So for example, if I’m telling myself all the time, I’m not good enough, how can I do something that really changed the world? And those self-limiting beliefs come from our past experience. Maybe we were told that we are born to work hard, to push beyond your limitations in order to be accepted, beloved, to belong and to be worthy.

I, for example, was always told that I’m not intelligent, which of course taught me to work very hard and harder than I need to. In any case, if we are not aware of those internalized, nasty self limitations, we can’t change them. And we need to transform them so we can stop suffering, feel more at ease, and open and find the courage to live the life we are born for full of joy and of course full of fulfillment.

So one of my coaching clients, Vanessa, wrote me last night. For the first time, I feel more calm within myself, having a deeper sense of when it’s time to slow down what my body needs so I can stop before I have a sleepless night, get a migraine, or become sick. I can truly trust my intuition.

So what we can learn from that is that our self-awareness is key, and that more comfort and peace comes when we start to change our negative beliefs. Vanessa always thought that she could push her body without any limits and that she had to satisfy everyone’s needs without ever learning to perceive her own.

And now let me come to the third thing you have to know in order to be a Live It All Mommy. It’s not about how much time you spend with your child, it’s about the quality of your togetherness. Many working moms and even not working moms tell me in our coaching that they feel guilty for not being present enough for their child.

So for all working moms, they feel guilty because they are rarely at home. And even for those moms who are staying at home, they feel guilty because they think they are destructed and not paying enough attention to their child. And in both cases, it’s not about how much time you spend with your child, it’s about spending the time you have in a way that makes your child feel seen, heard, and understood that way your child will feel emotionally nourished and rely less on your attention afterwards. And just as an example, remember how different you feel if someone is with you, who truly sees you in your amazing being. Who takes the time to focus only on your precious self, who ignores everything around them for a moment because it’s about you.

They believe in your potential, and that signals to you how much you matter in the world. You will get the power that nourish you for the rest of your day, maybe for the rest of your week, maybe forever. And this empowering moment can take less than a minute. So I really encourage you that every moment you have with your child, try to be as present as possible.

And in my experience, even if it is one moment per day where you are truly present. This can nourish your child deeply. And I oftentimes have moments that when I look at my child in the afternoon or when I bring her to bed, I truly see her. I observe her face and I look at her in a way that I’m open, I’m not on my mind.

I’m not thinking of which email I have to answer. I’m not thinking about my work. I am just in a space of nothing. In a way that the relationship can be new in this moment, and once we give the child our full, undivided attention. Then the child feels truly seen in their unique being. And those moments are the moments that nourish them the most. It’s not about how much time you are with them. If you are not truly with them.

So for today’s episode, remember these three things. In order to be a Live It All Mommy. First, get to know yourself. Reconnect with yourself first, and use your growing self-awareness to build a loving and empathetic relationship with your child. If you are not aware of what’s triggering you or stresses you, you can’t be aware of your child’s needs either. Second, transform your negative beliefs, the ones that only limit yourself, rather than telling yourself the story.

I can’t change anything. I don’t have the time, energy, or money, or I’m not good enough. Tell yourself that you can do whatever you want. You only have to be courageous and deal with the unknown challenges. And if you only tell yourself, “Yes, I can do whatever I want!”, you will feel a different energy within yourself.

And I’m not telling you to ignore reality, not at all. I’m just telling you to focus your strength and power mindfully in the direction that serves you. To deal with the challenges that, of course, will come up and remember that those challenges are there to help you either learn or grow or both.

And last but not least, the third essential thing that we moms have to know if we want to live it all. Be with your child even if it’s just for a few moments per day with your full undivided attention.

It’s not about how much time you spend with your child, it’s about spending the time you have in a way that makes your child feel seen, truly heard and understood. That way your child will feel emotionally nourished and rely less on your attention afterwards.

Remember how different you feel if someone is with you, who truly sees you in your amazing being. Who takes the time to focus only on your precious self, you will get the power that nourishes you for the rest of your day, maybe for the rest of your week, maybe forever. And this empowering moment can take less than a minute.

Mama, would you like to get more soothing self-care tools, feeling warmly supported on your unique parenting journey, getting advice for you struggles, questions, and self-doubts while also connecting with moms that are in the same transition as you? Then head over to my webpage beginning Enjoy my monthly parenting social club, a small online group coaching that allows you to open your heart and feel appreciated just as you are.

Until next time, take the best care and don’t forget to let your gift shine. You are amazing.

You may also enjoy …