Mandi Brown: I struggle with mommy guilt and remembering that I’m doing enough, that I am enough. There’s that nagging feeling like, could I be doing more? Am I doing enough? And that goes with my other kids too. Am I making sure to help them each feel as special as they are and as loved as they are and not like they’re always taking backseat to my daughter.

Intro: Hi there mama. Are you searching for another way to approach motherhood? One that puts your needs first? That allows you to live it all without guilt or holding back any of your amazing talents and unique gifts? Then the live it all mommy podcast is made for you. Each month we are taking you behind the scenes looking into the real world of motherhood.

Giving you a roadmap to unleash your unique potential, your passion, self trust, and purpose as an amazing mother, deep soul, and powerful working woman. It’s time to live it all, Mommy. Let’s dive in.

Pia Dögl: Today I’m delighted to meet with Mandy Brown, who is an amazing marketing strategist and the wonderful mom to three teens, including a set of twins, one whom has an intellectual disability.

Mandy’s heart’s desire is to empower other special needs moms to help their little ones where they need it most. She has created customized templates and tutorials to help children with special needs to develop their communication skills, life skills, executive functioning, and independence.

Mandy, thank you so much for having the courage to speak about that. What currently stresses you the most at home that makes you feel overwhelmed, maybe helpless, and vulnerable?

Mandi Brown: You’re welcome. Thanks for having me on today, Pia.

Pia Dögl: Yeah, and I know from my own experience how difficult it can be to speak honestly about my struggles as a mom. We feel ashamed when we behave differently towards our love child different than we want. And we so often fear. Being judged and that’s actually my heart’s desire, helping all of you out there, getting the fear and the shame out of the darkness and being able to acknowledge and appreciate your amazing, beautiful self to keep expanding your capacity and transform self limiting beliefs and feelings such as, Oh I’m not good enough, or I have to work harder.

There’s something wrong with me. And there is some kind of negative attitude pattern in each of us. And that’s exactly what we are going to do in today’s episode emerge from the darkness. So your current issues, whatever they might be, no longer affect your parenting. So you can heal and also optimize your wellbeing by taking control of how you think and believe about yourselves and your child.

And before we dive into your current situation, Mandy, I want to invite you, dear listener, dear mommy, to reach out to us directly if you want to join my podcast as a welcome guest to talk about your struggles, your burdens as a mom, to get simple yet life saving strategies to reduce inner stress.

Maybe get more patient, clear, and confident about what’s nurturing for you and your child. The best way to reach out to me is via email at info@beginningwell.com. And if you don’t remember the email, don’t worry, just check the show notes below.

So Mandy, let’s dive into your mommy life. It would be amazing if you could give us a short description of the challenges you are facing and what it is that you want to change.

Mandi Brown: Sure. Okay. So I as you said, a mom of three and I’ve got a set of twins and one of them has special needs. She’s got an intellectual disability. So a lot of my parenting is focused on her and what her needs are which are a lot more than the other two, even though they’re all teenagers now, they still need a lot of emotional support and love which I guess I didn’t expect as much when they were little I thought that they would grow out of some of the needs, but they change. They’re not so physical. They become emotional.

So I guess with my daughter what I struggle with is mommy guilt and understanding or remembering that I am. I’m doing enough that I am enough for her because I am her best friend. I’m her mom.

I’m often a teacher. I’m all the roles that mommies are. But with special needs, it’s harder because they need more help, more often, and it’s tough to be a working mom and to go set aside time for that. Especially we’re just coming out of the summer months and she was home for the summer. And while she had lots of activities, there were still times I’d sit at my desk and I’d hear her watching TV and think, I shouldn’t let her be watching TV.

We need to be stimulating her brain, doing something more exciting. I should have planned more for today for her. And in reality, I had just come back from doing something special. I guess there’s that nagging feeling like, could I be doing more? Am I doing enough? And then also that goes along with my other kids too. Like, am I making sure to feel each, help them each feel. As special as they are and as loved as they are and not like they’re always taking backseat to my daughter.

Pia Dögl: Yeah. Thank you for sharing. And only by listening to you, I come into this state of running, running, running, running, running, running, running.

Oh, now I have fulfilled her needs and then running to the next child and running…and in between I have to do the work. So do you know what are the moments when you can truly be, when you are not on your mind thinking, I have to do more. I am not good enough. So can you describe one situation where you truly, where, when you are truly relaxed?

And we use the word relaxed so often, so I’m trying to find a word that described this feeling better, but when you lose the sense of time, when you are truly present. Can you describe one, one situation, maybe a recent situation?

Mandi Brown: Yeah, I have two one of them is when I go to yoga and that’s something I discovered in the last year.

And you were the first person who nudged me in that direction of you need to be taking care of yourself. And self care is a parenting skill and I didn’t realize that until I met you. I thought I was on the back burner, make sure everybody else’s needs we’re taking care of and I was never a priority for myself and I didn’t do the things that I used to enjoy, like reading books, painting, different things like that.

And in the last year, I decided to try yoga for some kind of stress relief and help with anxiety to go along with those issues that we described. And it was life changing for me. And now I go five times a week. I just love it. And in those moments, I feel very mindful, very at peace. And I feel that I’m enough.

And if I miss those days or miss those appointments, I can feel it throughout the day. And I know when I do make those times I am a happier mom, a more peaceful woman, and I feel good and the rest of the day goes well.

Pia Dögl: Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. Beautiful example. You said I can actually share two situations.

Mandi Brown: Yes. And the other one is art. So I grew up drawing and painting and that’s one that I still don’t give myself permission to do enough of in my life. But when I do, I feel so much better. And it’s like going back to my old self and what makes me, me. So, that’s also special in a different way.

Pia Dögl: Beautiful.

And would you like to take a deeper look what you would need to allow yourself more time for painting? Sure. Or is this, okay as it is for now?

Mandi Brown: I feel like it’s okay because I’m doing yoga. And if I don’t have one of those things, I would definitely be out of balance.

Pia Dögl: Okay. And the reason why I’m asking is because it’s important and it’s a gift if you already have one activity, one thing that you can really dive into, and I would say it’s a kind of trance we are diving into, because we lose the sense of time and space around us. And that’s where our rational mind can calm down. And we don’t want to exclude our rational mind, because it’s important that we use our critical thinking and our logical thinking and on the other hand, if we are constantly, on our rational mind, we are bringing ourselves into a state of inner stress. And once we are stressed we only use certain parts of our brain. We limit ourselves and we can’t be compassionate with our children the way we want to, but more importantly, we can’t be appreciative and compassion with ourselves and then all the thoughts like I have to, and I’m not enough, et cetera, et cetera can fill our mind.

Let’s dive deeper into the moments when you are doing yoga. It’s wonderful to have an activity where we go somewhere because that oftentimes helps us to allow ourselves now to do something for ourselves for an hour because we have a teacher there. We have a group. Everyone is doing it. And that helps us really to feel less guilty.

When you, maybe if you can allow yourself to close your eyes for a moment or keep your gaze soft, whatever feels comfortable and make sure your back is really relaxed at your, chair so you can, maybe if you go into this situation where you are in a yoga class and you can sense your body, you lose this feeling of I have to and you are truly aware of your body, you dive into and If you remember one of those moments, and then you look at your daughter, and when she’s, for example, watching TV, What would you say now to yourself when you are not with her, being in this state of being fully present and calm on your mind?

Mandi Brown: I would say it’s okay and that I’m peaceful and she’s peaceful too.

Pia Dögl: And what else could you tell yourself as a full sentence or maybe you want to come up with a kind of symbol that reminds you in moments when you are not in this state of inner peace to remember yourself, it’s all good.

So what kind of sentence comes to your mind that you can tell yourself?

Mandi Brown: So in yoga some of my teachers will say. To have an intention during class to focus on or some kind of a little mantra internally. And the one that has resonated with me the most cause I’m always someone searching for peace is Om Shanti, I am peace. And so that little phrase I try to take with me off my mat when I’m feeling stressed and it’s probably something that I need to remind myself of in those moments when I’m thinking I should be doing more.

Pia Dögl: Wonderful. And while you’re still having your eyes closed and saying those words to yourself, I am peace. What an additional sentence could you allow yourself to honor what you are already doing? Some kind of self appreciative words that are really acknowledging your beautiful being, your amazing, mindful way to parent your daughter and your boys.

Mandi Brown: I think I’m doing enough and I’m doing a good job.

Pia Dögl: And would it be okay for you if you are saying to yourself, I’m doing enough and I’m doing an amazing job, instead of I’m doing a good job.

Mandi Brown: Yes, I probably should be saying that. Doing an amazing job.

Pia Dögl: I’m doing an amazing job. Okay. So you have the three sentences, I am peace, I’m doing enough, I’m doing an amazing job.

Beautiful, and you can keep your eyes closed for another moment, and I invite you to recall now a moment when you had this feeling of guilt when you maybe had a deadline at work, and you couldn’t spend that much time with your daughter. And you were totally stressed, this fear came up of not getting it done, not being good enough.

Your mind were full of self limiting beliefs. When you really envision such a situation, where in your body do you sense the stress the most? This feeling you were talking about, a feeling of guilt, where in your body is this feeling of guilt?

Mandi Brown: Probably in my shoulders, in here.

Pia Dögl: In your shoulders, so going from your neck to your shoulders.

And you were just using your hands and put them on the shoulder, and maybe you can now use your hands again, and while you are gently gently holding your hands there at the place where you feel the most tension when this feeling of guilt is there and being aware of this feeling of guilt, not trying to fix anything, just allow your hands to be there and now your inner voice is talking to you those sentences.

I am peace. I’m doing enough and I’m doing an amazing job.

Just simply allow yourself this moment, this quiet moment with yourself and sense what changes within your body. Observe if any tension that was there a second ago is able to melt?

Mandi Brown: It is.

Pia Dögl: And can you describe a little bit what you are experiencing, what you sense and feel?

Mandi Brown: I can breathe more deeply, more easily, thinking those thoughts.

Pia Dögl: And when you now look at the situation with your daughter of this feeling of stress and guilt, would you say the guilt is still there or how has it changed?

Mandi Brown: You’ve given me a new perspective. Which is really helpful. I’m sure I’ll still feel the guilt, but now I have a tool to help myself recenter when I’m at home and having a stressful time.

And I can’t be in yoga , where I know I’ll find that peace. I have something I can try. Thank you.

Pia Dögl: Yeah, if you want, you can slowly open your eyes again. And what I just want to add is that At the end you said, I can try and from the work as a hypnotherapist, I know that every word we are telling ourself is important.

So our subconscious mind remembers everything and takes action. depending on the inner dialogue depending on the inner words we are telling us. When we are saying, I can try or I will try, then we still have space for doubt. So we say trying is lying. So the question would be for yourself to reflect on what do I need to allow myself to start a process where I’m certain that I will transform this feeling of guilt.

And of course, feeling of guilt comes not from one day to the next. It’s usually something we develop at a certain age.

And it is always there in some ways to protect us. If we are feeling guilty for something we do, we are able to be in control of the situation. Normally, we are not in control of the adults that are with us. But we are in control of our own. emotions. So to feel guilt is always something that helps us at the end of the day, to emotionally survive.

And rather than wanting to get rid of this guilt, to allow yourself to honor this feeling of guilt. In a way, thank you for helping me to go through some uncertainty in my life without Maybe knowing exactly where and when this was coming from, and of course that’s something we can do in a regression session, but it is already healing if we honor those feelings that might cause us stress these days that are not beneficial anymore, but they were at a certain time.

And if we give this feeling of guilt appreciation. We can experience how this negative feeling can more easily melt like warm butter on a stove. Because once we experience appreciation, we feel safe and secure. And the feeling who was originally there to protect your emotional well being. If the feeling here’s Thank you for helping me to survive and to be strong, then this feeling can more easily relax rather than trying to get rid of this thing with I don’t want to have it anymore.

Mandi Brown: Interesting.

Pia Dögl: So what I have experienced, if we start to be more self compassionate in a way that we honor as well, so called negative feelings then this helps our whole nervous system to calm down as well. And the more we practice, and you will experience that with yoga for sure, the more into a routine we automatically and more easily and more effectively come.

So what I invite you to practice is really once you notice I feel guilty now or I’m stressed and the first step always is to be aware of what’s happening within you, which is a challenge itself. And the biggest challenge is we are so used to have those habits, beliefs, and then to, if that feels comfortable.

Use your hands, put them on this area where you feel the guilt, the tension the most. Remember those three sentences, I am peace. I’m good enough. I’m doing an amazing job. And then to give this feeling of guilt or whatever it is that you are experiencing in this moment, appreciation and some respectful words such as.

Thank you for helping me to go through times where I didn’t feel secure. I’m deeply grateful. And then observe what changes within your body, on your mind, and simply keep doing without thinking too much about it. The best way is to keep a routine and you will experience that you get softer with yourself.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, Yeah, try it out, let me know what kind of changes you’re experiencing and maybe as a final feedback, what would you say has changed within those 15, 20 minutes we were doing this practical sensory experiment? How do you feel now compared 20 minutes ago?

Mandi Brown: I feel so much calmer. Your voice alone is so soothing and calming and just getting me to stop what I’m doing and close my eyes and think about things in a different way.

It’s really helpful.

Pia Dögl: Yeah. And I just want to make sure it doesn’t need a lot of time and it doesn’t need a yoga mat. And that’s something I I can’t remember who said that, but I thought this really resonates with me because I’m searching for practical. effective tools that helped me to change my mindset from one moment to the next, without going to a yoga class, which is amazing.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s totally fundamental to do something on a base that includes the body that includes our body awareness. And also to find simple practices that we can do when we are in our daily routine. And this self appreciation is a kind of mindset shift that we start to honor feelings such as stress or guilt maybe pain as well.

Pain is an incredible indicator for for a need that we are not aware of. So we actually can thank the pain for making us aware. And the moment we change our mindset, the same moment we automatically experience more inner peace, because that’s our original state of being that we forget once we are too much on our mind and too much on the to do list.

Mandi Brown: So I never would have thought of thanking those feelings that are disturbing.

Pia Dögl: Yeah. Yeah.

Mandi Brown: That’s an interesting perspective for sure.

Pia Dögl: And to allow the inner stress to calm down for a moment. So if we are very used to being under stress all the time, I experienced it way too much to tell myself, let go of any stress.

When I first heard this in a yoga class, it was frightening to me. Because I was so full of tension, of stress, of overwhelm, that it was just too much to go from a hundred to zero. And then my second thought was, Oh, wow. If everyone is able to let go, whatever this means. Because I had no idea there’s something wrong with me and then I had, if I haven’t had the stress already, then I was stressed.

You’re more stressed. Exactly. You need to allow yourself, I’m finding my own way and my own speed. So to allow yourself find words that are most appropriate for you to think those. So called negative feelings such as guilt, shame, is very energy consuming. The difference between guilt and shame what we learned from a brown that.

Guilt is just an action that we feel bad about and shame is the whole person I’m wrong. And not just I did something wrong. So shame is incredible, powerful, how it can takes over. And also we develop shame at some level. I’m time in our life and it helped us to survive. So really to honor those protectors, that they can allow themselves to relax.

And even if it is just for a moment and if you keep practicing moment for moment, those moments will get longer and the distance between those moments will get shorter.

Mandi Brown: Oh, I love that.

Pia Dögl: So Mindy, thank you. Thank you. Any more questions from your side for now?

Mandi Brown: No, that’s beautiful. Very helpful. Thank you, Pia.

Pia Dögl: And I of course would love to hear how it is going and maybe make sure you have at least three times per day where you include those moments, even if you are not feeling the stress or the guilt in your shoulders to establish a practice. Okay. Because we, it’s easier for us to remember those things when we are not under stress and once we have established a practice, then it gets more into a routine and into a habit rather than trying to remember once we are already fully stressed, three times a per day, whatever is realistic for you to start with.

So you can have a starting point and can keep doing it from there in a regular base.

Mandi Brown: Okay. I love that idea.

Pia Dögl: Mandy, thank you so much for being with us today and for opening your heart and showing your courage and vulnerability. You are an amazing mom and the best role model for your children that your children could have.

And also if you want to learn more about Mandy’s incredible professional skills, we will put a link in the show notes where you can take a look at her new web page and her services she’s offering. And I wish you all the best, please keep me posted.

And for all the other listeners, send me an email. If you want to be one of our next guests to transform your self limiting beliefs, stop putting yourself last and head over to the webpage, beginningwell. com. You can also grab the free self care guide that has already helped hundreds of moms to find their authentic, balanced self. You can also find the link to my free self care guide in the show notes. Until we see it, we see each other again, take the best care. Thank you so much Mandy and all moms out there sending you lots of love and easily remember, be kind with yourself.